He is 80 years old but looks like mid-60s.  When I told him that, he remarked, “Thanks, but the old noodle is giving out.  Doctor says I’ve got dementia.”  His wife nodded in vigorous affirmation.  She added, “He goes to the store with a list, but always messes it up.”  She was not trying to be hurtful—rather, she just wanted me to know how things really sit.  This time, he nodded in animated agreement.

They have been clients for years, and they had urgently called to “get their affairs in order.”  He has his brain scan results, and she has emphysema and COPD.  She has already signed a DNR for herself.

As I listened to the facts, she threw me a bombshell.  “I heard about the five-year Medicaid look-back rules, so I cashed in my IRA and gave $10,000 to each of our four adult children.”  I gulped and said, “That was a mistake.  Based on what you have told me about your health and your assets, it is highly likely that one of you will need nursing home care before 2015.  Your gifts to your children will create a six- to eight-month penalty period of ineligibility for Medicaid nursing home benefits.

She asked, “What should we do?”

I answered, “You should call your family members and tell them that you made a mistake and to please give you back the money.”

Her look told me that she would never do that.

Her husband said, “We screwed up, huh?  We should have called you first.”

Most elderly clients who give away money due to a medical crisis will need long-term care within a short period of time.  If you know a client or a client family member who is thinking about giving away assets “to protect them from being lost to nursing home expenses,” please tell them to call an elder law attorney first.  Our firm can be reached at 630-585-5200 or rick@lawelderlaw.com

How do you think you would feel if you could not remember a time that your father or mother did not have memory issues?  John Remaly was only nine years old when his dad was diagnosed with Young Onset Alzheimers.   He and his sister Alyssa have grown up adjusting to the gradual loss of their dad’s memory and ability to care for himself.

I spoke to John and his mom, Melinda, and asked them to share with me some of the trials and victories that they have experienced during the last few years.  John told me that in his family, they have worked together to provide a united front to withstand Alzheimers’ attack on their family happiness.  “Most people, when dealing with something like this, start to fight and blame each other.  We have decided to use our gift of humor to find creative ways to work with my dad.”  He went on to share with me that his father, Rick Remaly, has always been a guy who loves the quick one-liner jokes and over-the-top comedy.  He says that the family enjoys shows like Will and Grace, Everybody Loves Raymond, and Family Guy.  John and his sister Alyssa love theater and acting, and they have memorized sketches from the different shows, complete with script, dialogue, jokes, and timing.  This helps keep their father engaged and laughing.  John quickly added, “Dad can still catch ‘quick humor’ and he is very easily amused.  In fact, one evening when he was feeling low, I decided that he and I should have a little fun and put calcium tablets in our mouths.  Do you know what happens when you put calcium tablets in your mouth?  It doesn’t hurt you, but you foam like a rabid dog!  Dad and I could not stop laughing.”

Melinda added that life at home is not always humorous and that John has had to take on the role of being an adult and a caregiver for his father.  She admires the way John works with his father.  Rick seems to take direction better from John than anyone else.  “When you’re dealing with Alzheimers, you need to work together as a family and be open to sharing with loved ones and co-workers.  You need to be truthful in keeping people informed about the real situation at home.”  She went on to say that it’s very important to be able to go out with friends and to have support systems.  In fact, one of the key principles in helping the Remalys stay emotionally healthy is recognizing that from time to time, you have to get away from the caregiving at home.

The Remaly family is about to embark on a new phase of life.  John Remaly has applied to, and been accepted at, Bradley University in Peoria, Illinois.  His dad and mom will be losing one of the pillars that support being able to provide for Rick at home.  John wrote a college admissions essay in October 2009 which detailed his experiences in growing up with Alzheimers.  The entire text is available by clicking on this link: John Remaly’s College Admissions Essay

In both October 2008 and October 2009, Melinda Remaly organized a group to participate in the Alzheimers walk in Libertyville, Illinois called “On the Move for Alzheimers.”  Each year the family, friends, and John’s friends from school walked together to raise funds for Alzheimers research.  All the friends and family members wore t-shirts that said. “Walk for Rick.”  On the back of Mr. Remaly’s  t-shirt it said, “I am Rick.”

We here at Law ElderLaw are grateful that the Remaly family has chosen us to be their legal advocates.

Nunca te Detengas  (Never Stop Yourself)
The Words of Mother Teresa of Calcutta

In February, when I was in Central America, I was given a brochure which celebrated Costa Rican retirees and their value to their country.  I translated the inspiring Spanish language message, which quoted the words of Mother Teresa of Calcutta.  I have never seen any comparable message sent to retirees here in the United States, so I want to honor my fellow senior citizens with this message. Yes, I too qualify for the senior discount coffee at McDonald’s without asking for it!  In addition, I have noticed that my lovely and still youthful-looking wife Rose requests the senior discount at the movie theater.  (Shhhh—please don’t tell her I told that I told you!)

The brochure said this:

Our retirees are an important reason that our country is a wonderful place to live.  We celebrate all senior citizens and older adults.  Thank you for constructing a better country.  Please read these words of encouragement by Mother Theresa:

Never Stop Yourself

Always keep in mind that your skin will wrinkle and that your hair will go white and that your days will become years…  But the most important thing never changes—your  strength of will and your convictions don’t have an age limit.  Your spirit is like a feather duster to wipe away the cobwebs.

After every arrival there is a leaving.  After every accomplishment there is another challenge.  While you are alive, feel and know that you are alive.

When you are feeling sorry for yourself about what you used to be able to do, do something new.  Don’t live surrounded by the yellowed photos of yesterday.  Continue forward, even though you feel abandoned by others.  Don’t let rust take away the steel that is in you.

Behave in a way that others respect you, not pity you.

When, due to your years, you cannot run—trot.  When you can no longer trot—walk.  When you can no longer walk—grab a cane and keep on going.

Never stop yourself.

She said it all.

My 4 year-old granddaughter, Lucy, has been explaining my recent illness by flatly stating, “Grandpa’s got a bug in his lungs.”  Thankfully after an almost two-week illness, I am ready to head back to the office… for half a day. (After all, “In Sickness and in Health” is the official name of my weekly blog, even though its host website is http://ricksblog.lawelderlaw.com.)  During my bout with sinusitis—which morphed into bronchitis—I experienced several things worth sharing.

First, when we are healthy, we do take a lot for granted.  I am grateful to be able to sleep in a bed again after many nights of trying to sleep in a chair.

Second, being a lawyer is not very helpful when you need medical care.  One physician who did a follow-up checkup told me that the prior doctor warned her that “he is a lawyer.”  I was not exactly sure how I should feel about that, but  it was obvious that we lawyers cause medical personnel to act as though they are treating a sick cobra. Third, I enjoyed using Wikipedia to look up everything I could about my illnesses and medications.  As a predominantly left-brained analytical, it is very satisfying to come home from a doctor’s office or the urgent care and look up information.  It was very helpful to understand the diagnosis of bronchitis.  I actually understood my own anatomy better and could better apply what the doctor had told me to do and what to expect.  In addition, I had been admonished to NOT use a cough suppressant  medications.  “But why?” I wondered.  “I feel like I really need some cough medicine!”  To better understand that order, I looked up cough suppressant medicines and learned that with bronchitis, its better to “promote coughing.”  Cough suppressants actually make it more difficult to clear the bronchial tubes.

It really helped to check all of the information out via Wikipedia ( www.wikipedia.org) and WebMD (www.webmd.com).  I could better understand why I got a little crazy after spraying Albuterol into my  body.  Nonetheless, that medication is a life-saver for asthmatics and folks afflicted with acute bronchitis.  For more on that, see the article entitled “Ventolin remains a breath of fresh air for asthmatics after 40 years.”

I am extremely grateful to my wife, Rose, and the entire legal team at Law ElderLaw.  We recently celebrated our 5th anniversary as an elder law-focused practice.  When I decided to dedicate myself to the frail elderly and the disabled, one of my biggest concerns was my own age.  One of my chief goals has been to make sure that if and when something happens to me, in that I cannot serve as the leader, the Law ElderLaw team would be strong enough to carry on.  Based on recent experience, I can assure everyone that Law ElderLaw is being ably managed and staffed by my successors.  Nonetheless, it’s time for me to get back to work!

(This post about our amazing veterans and Law ElderLaw’s dedication to helping them receive the benefits they deserve was first published in October of 2008. I am reposting this today in the hopes that it will help more veterans and their families find the aid they need.)

“Most of the men who hit the beach with me that day now lie under little white crosses. Some news guy wrote that if you landed on Iwo Jima in the first wave and you were not hit by machine gun fire, that it was as unlikely as running through a thunderstorm and not getting wet. There was nowhere to hide on that rock. It was like fighting on the moon. No trees, nowhere to find cover. There were so many of us that every time the Japanese fired, somebody got hit. During the first three days that I was on the island, I got a bullet-hole through my shirt, my helmet, and my pants.”

These are the words of my client Fred as he described to me the experience of going up against the Japanese forces who manned the island of Iwo Jima on February 19, 1945. Many of my veteran clients have amazing stories to tell from their days in the service.

As an attorney who is focused on the issues of the elderly, an important part of my practice is to assist wartime veterans who are now over 65 and disabled. We often assist them (pro bono) by securing a veteran benefit to help pay for care for themselves and/or their disabled spouses. I am honored to have the opportunity to serve those who have served their country so well.

Fred was in my office that day to discuss how he was going to pay the over $8000 a month cost of care for his wife, who suffered her first debilitating stroke eighteen years ago and has needed care ever since.

Fortunately for Fred, a wartime veteran does have the possibility of receiving some assistance through a VA Special Monthly Pension. It’s important to understand that Aid and Attendance or the Survivor Spouse VA benefit is only available to those who meet very stringent limitations related to medical necessity for care, and financial need as determined by both income and asset limitations. It is my job as an attorney to be able to assist individuals to evaluate what, if any, VA Aid and Attendance benefits may be available to them. This VA benefit can make all the difference in helping a wartime veteran or widowed spouse maintain their dignity, home, and lifestyle.

For more information click here to download any of our .pdf guides about VA Benefits.